Three Minute Fiction

My losing entry is below.  This attempt was my first contest entry; And Fun It Was. I will enter again when the new contest is announced – provided, of course, I can come up with a decent story.

The favorites and the one that won are great.

Here is the link to npr’s three minute fiction webpage.  Cut and paste/the link is not live.

Read the winning entry and the runners up, there are 12.  Last contest had just 5 runners up.
Premise is:  Construct a story that can be read in three minutes or less.
This contest round had a qualifier.  The first sentence had to be: “the nurse left work at five o’clock.”  There were many imaginative variations!

Here is my losing entry:


The Interlude

The nurse left work at five o’clock.  That was just after the nurse finished up in room five twenty-two. It was evening.

She, the other woman in the room, left about twenty-five minutes later.

By leaving, the nurse left her alone, She was alone in the room with him.  A pall seemed to settle in with the waning, evening light.

It’s over., she thought. Finally.

She thought about the bond between them.  Their connections.  The bonds between people change with time and circumstance.  Their bond was still there, nonetheless.  That breathless realization that he will not breathe again enveloped her.   She found it hard to get her breath.  Her frame shook, convulsed sort of, and a great heave of sobs poured out.  Every molecule in her body shook at once, as if it were their last gasp for air.

After a few minutes, it was over.  She felt her body lightened by the rip of emotion.  She was surprised by that.

The door to room five twenty-two opened slightly; she turned her head to the sound.

The funeral people came in.

She left the room.


I can see why it was not a contender:  kind of awkward flow in sentence construction.  Will need to work on that.  Overall, I think the story has some good emotion in it.  NOTE: corrections to this post in red.


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